Humor Me!


Well, the draw results have been out for a while in our Oregon big game tag drawing and we are pretty excited about the results. My dad, uncle, grandpa, and good buddy Brian will all be hunting bucks over in the central part of the state again this year. I drew a sweet elk tag in Northeast Oregon that has already caused many sleepless hours at night with me mulling over the possibilities in my mind. Jeff will be archery hunting bulls and doing his normal west side blacktail ventures. Anticipation is running high, and anticipation is good. So is humor. And so for this weeks blog I thought we would feature a funny hunting story my dad typed up after his successful blacktail buck outing last season.

Just to give you a little background, Jeff and I both wrote some detailed stories about our buck hunts last year. Jeff's story was posted on the Sitka Mountain Gear's blog (view it here: ...a well written story about the ruggedness of the terrain, the stealth of Jeffy stalking his prey in his socks to 40 yards while trying to avoid stepping on dry leaves, determination, the beauty of creation and the like. Well not to be out done dad wrote his story about his hunt and it was a pretty good spoof on Jeffy's tale. Here it is:

The day started well before sun up. At my age I have to get up that early most every morning to pee. This morning was no different. As I finished the business at hand I noticed a little crack of daylight starting show in the sky off to the east. I decided it would be a perfect morning to go deer hunting. So I stumbled out to the living room and donned my hunting gear, a pair of binoculors. Then as it got light enough the hunt began. I started by peering out the windows on the west side of the house, then slowly worked my way to the north, east and then south. Nothing. I thought of getting back into bed and catching a few more winks but out of shear determination I decided to give things one more look.

I went back to the east window and glassed a little further out now that it was getting some more light. Right away I spotted 3 deer in the distant low lying fog and one of them had a rack! This put my hunt into high gear as the adrenaline started to flow a bit. I grabbed my gun that was leaning up next to my recliner (that is where I keep it during buck season). All I had on was my boxers so I knew that this early November hunt was going to be a cold one. I slowly and quietly turned the knob and opened the door to the front deck. I too, took my shoes off so I could put on a silent stalk (I just took them off the night before). As I crept slowly across the deck I heard a deck board squeak. Three hundred and sixty pounds will do that, but I did not get this big by eating salad. I knew I had the skill to bag this buck and fill the freezer, but I was going to have to be extra careful now. The buck looked up at the sound of the squeak and I had to stand dead still with my weight unevenly and awkwardly distributed between my two feet. I knew I could not hold this position for long as the cold rain was pelting my raw hide. It was sooo cold!

About 5 minutes worth of thoughts were running through my mind in about 3 seconds. Should I go back into the house and get back in bed and wait for it to warm up a bit? If I get this buck will I still have time to soak in the hot tub this morning? Is the field too wet to get out there with the tractor and retrieve this deer? Or will I have to pack it out of the field 4o yards or more to the house? Again, I decided to just man up and stay determined after this buck.

By now I'm starting to shiver, stuff is starting to shrink and I'm begining to think about hypothermia. The head of the buck is just behind a dogwood tree and I can't quite field judge him to decide if he is the kind of trophy I am looking for or not. I felt good about the 40 yard shot and was able to move a bit and get ready if I decided to shoot. I went through the check list in my mind, cartridge is locked and loaded, scope covers off, thumb on safety, target is just south of the neighbors house which is good because I do not want to put a 7 millimeter 150 grain bullet through his bedroom wall and wake him out of a deep sleep.

The buck poked his head out and I get a good look. Yep, I can clearly see a fork! He's a shooter! Now I just need him to turn broadside a little. Safety off.....the buck turns broadside.....crosshairs just behind the front shoulder.....BANG! Then I hear a loud yell fom the bathroom. My wife woke up and was unaware that I had gone hunting. The shot had really startled her. But would you believe that I was able to enjoy the beauty of God's creation on this hunt as she ran in her bathrobe out onto the deck to see what was going on.

The buck stumbled a bit and fell right where I shot him. I wanted to pound my chest and let out a yell to celebrate the succesful hunt and the fact that I braved the elements and stuck it out to the end. But I held back as I did not want the neighbors to see me standing on my porch in my boxers pounding my chest and yelling. They might think that kind of behavior is weird. You never know I guess.

Anyway, the Lord really blessed me on this hunt as I was indeed able to get the tractor out into the field. In fact I was able to get the buck gutted, hung, skinned and be all done by 9am. I did miss out on the hot tub soak but that was okay. That deer is going to make some prime eating.

I hope you enjoyed dad's story. Have a safe and happy 4th of July.



Matthew July 19, 2010 at 1:11 PM  

Haha! This is great. It reminds me of Pat McManus.

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